Welcome to the second installment of Paige and Michele’s great stock photo critique. Yes, I know it’s been an unbearably long wait.
In our previous post, we analyzed some of the photos that appeared when we searched “single” in Getty Images search box, and we got a pretty good idea of how the stock photo world views us quirky bachelors/bachelorettes. There were plenty of stoic figures gazing into the distance. Faces were often obscured to add to the mystique. One woebegone woman could barely muster the motivation to get out of bed. Getty, what can I say, you’ve got the typical single down to a T.
In the name of science, we decided to conduct a second search result sampling from a different stock photo website. Unsplash gave us quite a few…interesting…results in our quest for stock photos of singles. Behold, a few of our favorites:
1. Single of the Corn
Michele: The coat of singleness is black. The neck of singleness flops downward. The place of singleness is a barren winter field.
Paige: Why are none of these people able to look at the camera? I guess if you don’t have a partner, you don’t get a face.
2. The Railroad Guitarist
Paige: All aboard the Lonely Person Express! …On second thought, you’ll walk. Nothing like walking the train tracks to inspire your next track.
Michele: You’re wrong if you think he actually plays that guitar. It’s just for carrying around while walking on train tracks. All single people need a soulful, melancholy hobby and that’s his.
3. Audience of One
Paige: All the world’s a stage, and if you’re single, you’re just a spectator.
Michele: He realized that in the middle of the movie, stood up, spread out his hands in the eerie way he is doing, and everyone else slowly vacated the theater.
Paige: “That’s right. Get out of here. LEAVE, just like all the others!”
4. Single and Afraid
Paige: Yes, you can hike alone! Here’s a handy guide: 1. Sit directly in middle of trail. 2. Wait for companion.
Michele: 3. Hairspray hair into permanent, face-covering swoop.*
* Refer back to No Face Rule in “Single of the Corn”
5. The Benchwarmer
Paige: So much symbolism, so little time. This man has been benched by his singleness, sitting on the sidelines of life watching others marry and thrive. The sun is setting on his hopes and dreams. What lies ahead on his horizons? Only more loneliness.
Michele: Okay, I saw this picture completely differently. The horizon is the edge of a planet. He is floating in space. The man is engaging in space travel via bench. I don’t know what this has to do with singleness. Bench Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
6. Single of Nazareth
Paige: Others may have S.O.s, but singles have S.A.s: Supernatural Abilities. Will you have to give up these powers once you enter into a relationship? Absolutely. The choice is yours.
Michele: Yes, it’s like how Matilda didn’t need to use her powers anymore once she got adopted by Miss Honey. Once this guy starts dating, he won’t NEED to walk on water anymore. It was just his unique survival strategy.
7. The Sheepish One
Paige: Don’t worry, lone sheep. I love ewe.
Michele: He dated too many sheep in the flock without making a commitment so they exiled him. This is his life now.
Paige: Ah…I guess he loves ewe, too.
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